Month: August 2021

In recent years I decided to take my love of helping people and became certified as a health and wellness coach. Then the last 18 months happened and I didn’t live up to my self imposed ideals of how I should thrive during a pandemic. I cratered. I gained weight – a lot – and mis managed my mental health. To make matters worse, there is no place to hide. It’s as obvious as the nose on my face that I’ve gained weight and am struggling with depression. For me, this became a humiliating lesson to learn and to bear. How in the world can I help others when I’m struggling so myself? And then, someone said this:

“I am perfectly positioned to coach imperfect people like me!”

I’ve always been honest with my piano students. I tell them “I know how to do this (whatever “this” is) because it didn’t come naturally to me. I had to work at it. It’s made me a better teacher. Now I’m learning to circumnavigate my self imposed perfectionism and am practicing compassion with myself. It’s been quite the lesson.

Lest this not become just a litany of all the crappy things that have happened since January 2020, let me skip ahead to today. Or was it yesterday or last week? I realized at some point that the wallowing I was doing was not doing anyone any good, lest of all me. I had fallen into a hole of indifference and ineptitude. Doing the most simple and mundane things took great effort and mostly didn’t get done.

I am at heart a survivor. Most of us are. However, is surviving enough? I mean, I have a small car and I can get to Austin on a half tank of gas. Is that enough? What if I want to (somewhat tongue and cheek) take a detour. (Ha! I crack myself up). Half a tank isn’t going to cut it. What I realized was missing is not the survival instinct but the instinct to thrive. I had started thinking of myself as old and as life being almost over. I had never thought that before and I don’t like it.

So, what to do? First order of business is to come out of the dark closet I had put myself in. Opening the door and “oh look” there’s a pretty great world out there. Sure, we’re all dealing with loss and challenges but in spite of those challenges, there’s some good stuff happening.

I see people offering kindnesses to others that might have been overlooked before all the difficulty of the last 18 months. I see my knitting group offering up beautiful hand knitted shawls to anyone who needs to feel a little more loved. I experience the young workers at my husband’s and my favorite little neighborhood restaurant open up to us about their challenges. Some of them call me “Ma”. I see this as a time to practice radical love, something I’ve been a proponent of all my life. But never to myself.

In my world, my piano students are returning to in person lessons. I’ll never forget the little girl who, when asked “would you like a hug” replied “I’ve been waiting for this day!”.

I’ve been waiting for this day! The day I make the decision to thrive and do whatever it takes to make my personal “why” come alive. More on that later.

I’d like to share this journey with you. I make no promises that it’ll be a straight shot. Detours can be fun and full of good surprises. Let’s see!