I’m in. It’s been such a long time since I posted that I was fearful I wouldn’t be able to. I didn’t want to start over with a new blog. I wanted to keep this one, the one that does show all the detours we (me) go through as we travel along. So here I am with the promise, in my heart anyway, to revive this blog and keep on writing.
So where to begin. NOW. I’m going to begin now and perhaps take a few detours backwards as explainations seem to be warranted.
Why now? Why start writing again after such a long break. Very simply put, I need it. I need a place to share some things and frankly, I need to be heard. So if you are reading this, thank you.
2020 to now – difficult is really a too mild description. I’m not alone. If you’re reading this, you are likely to have had loss, change in work, change in lifestyle, discouragement, fear, and on and on over the past eighteen months. I’m aware. But since I’m the one writing, I’ll stick to what I know best and that’s my experience.
On December 8, 2019, my husband and I arrived home after a delightful evening in Austin with my God daughter and her husband. We had walked the Zilker Trail of Lights at Zilker park in Austin. It was the first time I had been there since my husband, Doug, died. In fact, at THAT Trail of Lights, 2014, L had introduced us to the man who is now her husband. It was a delightful evening which culminated at a restaurant and Doug holding forth and making A laugh (and laugh and laugh). L had dressed up as a snowman and looked precious. Fast forward to 2019 – five years, hard to believe. I was celebrating myself and my weight loss. I had lost close to 75 pounds and could walk without being in agony. The evening was mild and the lights were beautiful.
When we returned home, however, we were met with a very lethargic dog, Bella. Bella was the love of my late husband’s life. He often said “Bella is my favorite dog ever” which was quite a statement given how many dogs he had had in his lifetime. She was so sick that I didn’t think she’d make it through the night. However, just when we were getting ready to take her to the emergency animal clinic, she rallied and seemed as if she was okay.
The next morning as I was getting ready for my church job, she went down again and again, I thought she wasn’t going to make it. Once again she rallied so we didn’t take her to the emergency pet clinic, instead deciding to take her to her regular vet the next day, Monday.
That Monday we received the bad news that she had lymphoma and only a few weeks to live. We decided to just keep her as comfortable as we could and give her as much love as we could while waiting for her sign telling us she was ready to move on. Our other dog, Rozzy, intuited that she was sick and gave her snuggles and face baths. He took really good care of her.
Her disease progressed rapidly and on January 14, 2020, we made the decision to let her go. She wanted to. My husband’s sweet, 8 year old grandson, offered to go with me. He new she wouldn’t be leaving there alive but still wanted to be by my side. It helped. Glen also dropped what he was doing to join us at the clinic.
I’m describing this in such detail because, well, I want to and because that was the first indication of the crappy crappy year that was to come. And bottom line, when it all added up it proved to be too much for me. I’ll go into that more in detail later.
For now, please note that I’m writing. I’m not covering up any longer. I’m not pretending I’m okay and that’s really okay. My plan is to process through writing and also through, I hope, dialoguing with people who read these stories. There really is strength in numbers.
sudden detour 